How Did You Stand Up To A Parent That Hates Your Hair? (Vulnerable Story)

octobre 18, 2024 Mireille Liong

Context: I’m 16 I’m sensitive I’m a mommas boy And I’m already insecure😭

This was my hair a year ago. I've grown up in a predominantly black country where it’s mandatory for boys to have their hair as a buzz cut in order to be deemed “presentable” and able to attend school (I know….colonization is powerful😭)

Anyways, once I graduated I started to grow my hair out and this was the length that I achieved after 10-11 months. When I tell you that those were the BEST and WORST months of my life, I am telling no lies.

I knew people were gonna talk sh*t or project but I wasn’t ready for the negative comments and opinions about my hair FROM MY OWN MOTHER. She would try to comb out my curls EVERY chance she got, saying it “looks like a mess.” My hair was always too tough, too much, too thick for her. And I’m just like “dang I thought it was cute but maybe it’s not🤣🥲😭.”

Unfortunately, she’s a very old school woman so she preferred boys with a "clean cut" because that's when they looked "most well taken cared of “as if having a bald head meant proper hygiene🙄.” People have told me that they like my hair but my mother’s input has a greater impact and influence on me.

Her words really got to me and I was already sad about other things going on in my life so I listened and I shaved my head🧑🏾‍🦲; I did it cuz it meant one less negative feeling about myself that I had to deal with and as I guessed, she got off my neck. It kind of makes me sad because I actually liked my hair and I felt more confident and free with it. My mother is a good mother but for some reason she really doesn’t like me having hair. Idk if it’s self hate, sexism, internalized racism or whatever but this is WILD!!!

Sorry for the long story😭🤍

My reply
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Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m truly sorry to hear that your mom doesn’t support your hair journey, especially since I LOVE it! I can imagine how tough that must have been for you, especially coming from someone whose opinion you value so deeply.

That being said, I also understand where your mom is coming from. It’s important to know that this struggle is rooted in our history: Black people are the only people on this planet who don’t have the human right to wear their God-given tresses naturally. Braids, afros, and dreadlocks have all had to be fought for in courts just to be accepted.

This has had a devastating impact, not only on our hair but also on our psyche. It’s why 73% of Black women suffer from relaxer-induced alopecia (hair loss from relaxers). And unfortunately, that might be the reason your mom doesn’t like to see you with your curls.

I can tell from the way you speak about her that you don’t think she’s a bad mom. But it’s still hurtful that she doesn’t fully accept your gorgeous hair and the styles you love. And that’s a reflection of the generational trauma we’ve inherited—she’s likely trying to protect you in her own way from the world’s judgment, maybe unknowlingly silencing your own self-expression.

I’m actually working on a documentary about this very issue. It’s called BAD Hair Uprooted, the Untold History of Black Follicles, and it dives deep into the systemic roots of these struggles. I’m connecting with psychologists and scientists who’ve studied this to unpack the emotional and physical impacts, and I’d love for you to check out a snippet here: BAD Hair Uprooted, the Untold History of Black Follicles Documentary in the works.

If you don’t mind, I’d love to share your story on my site as well. It’s important for people to hear what younger generations are facing in their hair journeys too.

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